Who watches DVD bonus features? I actually feel badly for the directors and actors who have to sit in a miked room and make banter in real time as they watch their own movie. Movies are talkies now; they speak for themselves. I generally feel the same way about beer. The producer has released the final product and it’s up to the beer-goer to get from it what he will.

But it would be kinda cool if each bottle of beer came with an audio commentary. Like you could hear the brewmaster introduce what he was going for as you crack off the crown. As you pour it into your glass, the brewmaster’s voice share anecdotes about creating the recipe or the first brew day for that beer in far greater detail than any label could ever fit. I mean, the copy on those neck labels are basically just Tweets.

Then, as you get deeper into your beer, maybe some of the other brewery voices chime in, like the owner’s reaction to their first sip or how they feel about the online reviews. Maybe the brewmaster has a great story about what someone told her about the beer as she poured it at a festival. Beers have stories aplenty, and the most important one is the one you create as you drink it, but for funsies, it’d be cool to hear all the back stories the brewers could fill us in on.

Of course, the other bonus features associated with DVDs would be even more awesome. Wouldn’t you love to try the pilot batches, including the outtakes of ones that didn’t make the final cut? Out tastes! And since no film isn’t also accompanied by trailers these days, we’d love to try some coming attractions from the breweries. That way, if you cellar a particular beer, when you drink it five years down the road, you’d wax nostalgic about that great seasonal beer from three or four years back.

What bonus feature would you add to your beers? And no, no matter how many “extras” you “load” it with, rewind isn’t considered a bonus.